Dear Diary
by Lacey
Summary: Of dreams and love - confessions in a diary when there is no one else to listen.
1. Dear Diary

Author's Note: This is just an idea that popped in my head out of the blue. I'm going with it because I just like writing X-Men/Brotherhood pairings. 

**Dear Diary**

Dear Diary, 

I had that dream again. You know the one. He was in it, as always. We were on a beach this time. I was lounging on the sands. He stood out in water up to his waist with waves playing around his slim frame. Droplets shimmered on his bare chest, miniature diamonds in the sun. I wanted to lick up the droplets, roll his taste on my tongue. Foolish, I know. It was only a dream, after all. 

Will we always be enemies? I pray not. Some days I'm tempted to throw away my life with the X-Men to be with him, but I can't bring myself to do that. Maybe if things were different... If the Brotherhood weren't so... so... Well, I've spent plenty of pages describing them. You know how they are. 

I wonder everyday what the others would do if I told them about the feelings that coursed through me. I would like to think that they would be accepting, but somehow I doubt it. He is the enemy after all. 

The Professor, he would probably be understanding if he knew. Maybe he already does know. He doesn't seem like the type to peek into people's heads without permission, but that doesn't mean he hasn't. If he knows how I feel, at least he's keeping it to himself. 

And still my thoughts wander back to you-know-who. He's never far from my mind, even though I don't dare write his name for fear of someone reading it. 

I just wish I knew what it was about him that drew me to him. Oh, I don't deny that he's beyond cute and verging on handsome. I could watch him all day, drinking him in like a fine wine. His hair a pale wonder, like spun moonlight... Body so slim, almost feminine if not for the shoulders being a bit too broad for any woman... And that smile, as if he's always laughing at some private joke... If only he would share that joke with me. 

When he's still, he reminds me of a cat at rest. He doesn't just sit; he lounges. When he's not moving, I get a sense of repressed energy, like at any moment he could be in action. So often he's in motion, constant and beautiful. I want to run with him, though I could never keep up. 

I thought today would be the day; thought I'd tell him how I felt. Everytime I approached, he was always with his Brothers. My soul cried in frustration, but to no avail. I suppose the time just wasn't right yet. 

One day, though - one day I shall be the Shadow to his light. Until then, my dreams will sustain me even as they tease me with future hopes. May tonight bring dreams that will one day come true. Good night, Diary. 


	2. Dear Diary 2

Author's Note: I wasn't really planning on continuing this, but the creativity demons have been whispering little scenes in my ears. Hopefully none of this is too outlandish. Anyway, I'm pretty sure there were no hints of a Kitty/Pietro coupling on the show, but I've just got a gut feeling that if the two got together they would hit it off. Maybe that's just me, though. 

**Dear Diary 2**

Dear Diary, 

He was there again, filling my sleep in a dream stranger than most. This time the setting was a castle dungeon, dank and dim. I could almost smell the damp mold in the air. The cold stones pressed in around me. That's how real it seemed. Yet still, everything was blurry, like I'd been drugged or something. I was just aware enough to realize that I was wearing some velvet and chiffon dress, very peek-a-boo in some interesting places and soft and comfortable, if a trifle heavy. 

All of a sudden, the world seemed to click into place, clear in all of it's dismal glory. Some kind of weird circle was on the floor, arcane and dangerous looking. He was in it, smiling that secret smile. I think he knew I was going to break the circle and was privately gloating over his unachieved triumph. Trapped like a demon he was, though not for long. Is it fitting that in this dream he took the form of a demon? Perhaps. Oh, his shape was unchanged, but he radiated danger and desire. In reality, he could be called a "speed demon" so I guess I could see the dream as a subconscious comment on his personality. That is, if I was into analyzing these dreams. 

Anyway, I did what he knew I would do. I knelt and wiped away a segment of the chalk circle. Instead of stepping out of the circle, though, he drew me inside. "Proud Ms. Pryde," he whispered. "Let me humble you." His lips pressed to mine, hot and seeking, hungry. His hands slid into my dress and then... The damned alarm clock went off. 

Well, at least I know the cause of this dream. We had to read "Xanadu" for homework. Those last few lines really stuck with me. 

_"Beware! Beware! His flashing eyes, his floating hair. Weave a circle round him thrice, and close your eyes with holy dread, for he on honeydew hath fed and drunk the milk of Paradise."_

You don't have to be Freud to figure that one out. 

I asked Storm today how you know when you're in love. I wish I could say that she gave an answer that satisfied me. What she said, though, was that there was no way to be certain. Maybe I shouldn't have asked, but I wanted to know if it was possible that what I feel for him is nothing more than just simple puppy love. 

Thankfully Storm didn't ask why I wanted to know. I'm guessing she thought that maybe I meant Kurt, which is silly. Sure, Kurt is cute in his own fuzzy way, but in my mind he's more like a brother. Things would certainly be easier if I did love Kurt, but alas I don't. Not that way at least. I feel kind of silly saying this, but all of the X-Men are like family to me. Falling for any of them would reek slightly of incest even though we're not really related. 

Do you know what he (and I don't mean Kurt) did today? He smiled in my direction, not at me, but still... I wish I didn't get so silly over such things, but how can you help how you feel? Anyway, when I saw that smile, filled with his own private amusement, I wanted to melt into a puddle. It was all I could do to keep from phasing through the floor with a dreamy sigh. Things went tight deep and low inside of me. 

What will it take to bring us together? The boundaries between the Brotherhood and the X-Men are too clearly drawn. If only the lines between us could be rubbed away like chalk. Good and evil... Right and wrong... It's all such a confusing mish-mash sometimes. If only life were simple. If only love were simple. 

I look forward to the dreams tonight shall bring. Until tomorrow, dear Diary. 


End file.
